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Always Near

June 13, 2016 1 Comment

Always Near

Feeling led to share this bittersweet message with you tonight. Having been in her almost-exact shoes myself, I will warn you that it IS hard to read. BUT, I know He has a plan in this nudging I'm feeling to share, so read on and, if it is you that He's sending love to - be encouraged that you are not alone in your grieving and your healing. You will NEVER walk this road alone, mama. ❤

"In September of 2015 I found out I was expecting, and while it was more than overwhelming, I was ready to tackle this adventure that God gave to me, individually. A few weeks later I was overjoyed (and a little more nervous) to find out I was expecting a sweet baby girl.

Weeks passed and I felt my daughter move and I knew what a feisty personality she had, and I knew exactly where she got it from. I was so in love. I had some complications entering my second trimester, and switched doctors. My new doctor wanted me to feel comfortable and confident so I had an open invitation to stop by his office any time of the day (without an appointment) whenever something felt "off" and I would get a quick peek at my sweet growing baby.

Well I had a regular appointment scheduled on Wednesday, November 11th, 2015, but on Tuesday night I went into panic mode that something was wrong because I hadn't felt movement. I went to my appointment Wednesday and she was perfect. On Thursday I woke up with the worst feeling, but tried to push it away. I JUST checked on my baby the day before. But I think it was just a "mommy" feeling that I couldn't shake.

I decided to show up at my doctors office saying "I know this is silly, I know I was here yesterday, and I know you guys are about to close, but I also know something is wrong." I was put in an exam room, with the ultrasound screen turned from me so I couldn't see. The doctor came in to do the ultrasound himself and tried to find a heartbeat. What felt like ten hours but was probably sixty seconds, he said "this machine is a little faulty sometimes so where just gonna switch it out." That's when I knew. I didn't want to know but I knew. They switched machines and at this point Medical Assistants switched because one had tears in her eyes and got the "glare" to leave from the doctor. He looked at me and said "I'm gonna go grab the other doctor and I'll be right back." So the second doctor came in to confirm.

It was never directly said, but we all knew what happened. My daughter's heart stopped beating on November 12, 2015 at just 16 weeks and 1 day. After I had some time to process, I had to choose what I was going to do to get her out so my body didn't go into shock.

I was given some meds, and sent home with a baby that wasn't living until Monday the 16th, where my baby was to be birthed. I started feeling contractions more on Friday, and they increased and intensified over time. By Monday morning, (almost 4 days of laboring) I was dilated to a 2, maybe 3. So I was given meds at the hospital and things went downhill where we had to abandon the plan I had and go in for an Emergency DNC. That's a day that is foggy in my mind and I choose to keep it that way. 

The reason I am writing this today is because I made it to 16 weeks & 1 day being Pregnant and today marks 16 weeks & 1 day since my baby's heart stopped beating. Today is HARD, and I just wanted to express my DEEPEST love for this ring and everything it has to do to remember my Angel Baby "L" that she is always with me. I love it and I love this company and will support it however I can! Thank you on yalls end for everything you do! You change lives and give such hope on the darkest days. Much love." ~ anonymous mama of a sweet angel that is truly Always Near ❤

1 Response


June 13, 2016

When we miscarried a little over 2 years ago I didn’t know about shine life, I didn’t know anyone else who had lost a baby, and I felt so alone. And I felt like I needed to suck it up and move on. Very few people knew we were pregnant yet, my husband didn’t want to discuss it, and I felt like mourning this little loss was somehow silly since I hadnt been pregnant very long.
Thank you for sharing your story and thank you shine life for being an outlet where we can share our loss and lift each other up in prayer.

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